Coming out of hell!!

Seek truth beyond tradition, definition or image

I had heard of the ancient Hawaiian method of prayer known as ho’oponopono several years ago.  It did not mean to much to me at that time, perhaps because I was not in a place to understand.  So, I let it go by the board, so to speak.

More recently, I have come across it again and I was shown a method of practicing it.  The way it was explained in the writings of Joe Vitale, we recite a mantra over and over  in order to clear and cleanse us of past memories and programs buried in our subconscious from this and past lifetimes.   These memories and programs are are blocking our ability to manifest and live a full life in the present.  You can read about it in several of Mr Vitale’s  books as published.

Before I go further I will share the mantra with you.  It is; “I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.”  I realize that none of this will make much sense unless I explain a bit further.  The mantra is said to the Divine, Source, God, Great Spirit(whatever word you choose),  within you.  We express sorrow for blocking the goodness of the Divine in our lives.  We ask forgiveness of the Divine and of ourselves.  Then, we state the cure all of anything,  Love.   Love alone  truly heals .  Then we express gratitude for that healing.

You can read more on-line.  This is only a very basic sketchy explanation. So, if it resonates with you, please study further. It is powerful.

I had been having blocks to my manifestation process so I decided to practice this.  However, one night while reciting the mantra,  where I was expecting  miracles, I got  instead  upset and tears. It felt  like everything I had ever known was ending  in my life, and I was going to die.   The very basis of my survival and my existence  was dissolving .  I use those words literally and yet I did not at the time realize the full meaning of them.

This is the story of that awakening.

As I  began to recite  this mantra, I saw more and more clearly the blocks and self sabotaging memories that had accumulated in my subconscious over my present  lifetime, and over past lifetimes.  I began to see with greater clarity how this accumulated  material  had severely affected my life.

I saw how over time I  had internalized  teachings.  Teachings about how unworthy I was of  anything good ever  happening  in my life. I saw clearly the teaching about poverty being the way to heaven in some after  life and if I was too happy here I would go to hell, not that heaven.  I saw how I was never to love myself lest I would offend God and commit a sin and then go to hell .  Everything I was taught and internalized was  about how negative life had to be, to be happy in the afterlife.  It was about  how I was useless, and worthless and probably bound for hell anyway.  Teachings were twisted and distorted to suit whatever personal agenda the individual was pursuing .

Though as a teen, my inner rebel, had rebelled against this, it had followed  . I fought it, a   I ran from it.  I started to build my life around new teachings. I studied most every path of spirituality and religion I came across,  settling briefly in each, until one by one I realized  that the path pursued was not my path. However, in the meantime I was still being influenced by those negative teaching buried so deeply in my subconscious, and I did not even know it.

I did not even know they were there.  And, I certainly did not know  they were influencing the decisions of my conscious mind.

Finally, I had come  to the path of shamanism and   I had realized I had come home. It was pure joy!!!   After many years rediscovering my inherent shamanic nature, studying under shamans  and learning the path of the shaman, I felt I had arrived. Well,maybe I had arrived, but where had I arrived???  Those unconscious memories and programs were still haunting me and still influencing all my choices. And, I still was not fully aware of them. Though, bit by bit, I was becoming more aware.

I could look back over a time of bad choices that only made  me more and more unhappy.  In fact, in my efforts to get away from, I had not known what to go to.  And, the old teachings still were the subconscious basis of my choices.  My subconscious mind had been  directing the choices of my  conscious mind.  And, I had used these patterns to survive for so  many years.  In point of fact,  I had survived.  But, now they were dragging me back because survival was no longer an option.  Now  I  was ready to  thrive!!!

I suddenly realized that somewhere along the line of my life, I had moved into this  self created hell in an unwitting effort to escape the outside hell of my memories and teachings.  I was already living in that promised hell but now it was one of my own creation because over time, I had internalized those teachings.  And so, with the healing love of ho’oponopono washing over me, “all hell” broke loose.  And I do mean that literally. That self created hell born of distortions and lies broke loose and  fell apart.  Truth was replacing falsehood!!!

Then one  night  ,  tucked in my bed, under the covers supposedly warm and cozy as I was reciting  the ho’oponopono mantra, the worst broke loose.  “All hell” broke loose.  My private hell broke loose and began to crumble around me.  The past  false basis of my survival crashed  into shards like broken glass.  My very existence felt threatened.

I collapsed and contacted several friends asking for help, prayers and enlightenment.  “It hurts.”, I called. “Please help me to understand what is going on !!!”

They responded  and I was bathed in the soft golden light of love and prayers.  Because of their help, I know I was able to go deeper into this.  I am sharing it with you, dear reader, in the hope that it helps you when you are in your darkest time.  I trust that there will be something here that resonates with you when you need help too

Eventually, with the help of the love of friends,  the truth did dawn on me.  I saw how this self created hell had finally broken  up and in fact I was finally becoming free!!!    What had been based on lies was being replaced by truth.  And it was wonderful!!!  I was and always had been a co creator of my own reality and now that reality was beauty and light , not hellish darkness and pain.  Because, in the dark of my bedroom under the covers, my personal  “all hell” broke loose.

It was a good!!!  Though at the time, it certainly did not feel that way. In my turmoil,  I did not realize all this .  All I knew at the time was that my survival was being threatened.  Everything that I had known as “me” was dissolving.  Everything, on which  I had based my ability to survive  was crumbling around me. And I was scared, terrified and confused.

It was terribly scary.  I felt most every negative emotion I had ever felt in my life and all at once.   I cried and cried  and cried until I was washed clean.  As time goes by, I see this experience with ever increasing clarity. I grow in the deeper and deeper understanding of it.    I know I have yet to fully mine the depths of it.  It will take time. I have much, much  growing to do.   Many years and perhaps lifetimes of growing and learning to do.  But, for now ,  I am living more and more in the present and not in the eternal past.  My decisions are coming from the light of truth and not from the darkness of hidden and buried programs.   Some days are clearer than others, but I am going steadily forward.

The sky is clearing and the sun of hope is shining through. I laugh and play as never before.





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One Response to Coming out of hell!!

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